We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
