you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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