my sisters under your porch take her home
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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