I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize