So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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