I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize