I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
