I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
People in love make me want to vomit
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
