i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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