I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
