I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
