Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
