Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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