I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
