so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
