Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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