I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
