I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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