What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
