we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize