Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Even my vagina gasped.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
