Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm like, not good at living.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
