I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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