too bad you live with your parents still
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
