I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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