Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
