How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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