Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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