Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
