they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Send help, water and tortillas.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
