I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
