Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
