Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
