If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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