Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
