we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
