she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
