fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
