you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
