Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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