i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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