JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
