i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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