Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
