I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
