and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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