I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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