Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
