My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
