Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
