he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize