I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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