Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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