Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize