I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
