like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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