Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
