Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
