She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize