I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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