I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
