I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
