Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
