they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
