went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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