and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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