Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
as a side note pls kill me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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