Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
