I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
